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Mat Rempit

Mat Rempits were formerly malay physicists and rocket scientists. However they devolved into sub-intelligent primates somewhere in 1971 and they ride bicycles in the circus. In 1982 they stopped growing tails, they moved on to 70cc motorbikes because they no longer have tails that might get burnt accidentally by the exhaust pipe.

Although they were still retarded during that time(and still are..) they somehow managed to read from university physics textbooks. Through their understanding of friction, they created a super-low-cost-and-fuel-efficient method of riding the motorbikes. The Mat Rempit is Malaysia's super-low-cost-pastime for retards and Malay scientists to show-off their biking skills on the traffic-ridden streets of Kuala Lumpur.

These kids are so desperate, they must do zig zag like a monkey, look backwards at full speed (very important tactic) and suddenly stop at roadside smoking, phone calling, etc. The crazier they drive, the sexier they look, it seems.

Mat Rempits also have been influenced by the western art and media culture, taking up terms such as Superman , Spiderman, Ironman, Cicakman and also Deadman. They start from young, when their dads give them their very first "kapcais" (100cc motorbikes).

However, they are also very patriotic too by waving Malaysian flags all around during Independence Day shouting "Merdeka!", and then ending up under a van.

They are also main contributers to Malaysia's Vision 2020 goal to have a 70 million population through mass rape of gullible Malay teenagers and their fellow Minah Rempits. Their role is absolutely crucial because the population growth of the Chinese and the Indians are grinding to a halt - both due to migration and improved family planning. The government hopes someday to populate the entire streets with crazy-ass Mat Rempits and show the entire world just how responsible Malaysian bikers are.

Rempit styles

• The Superman style was create by lying down horizontally on the bike and speeding at 150kmh. Guiness world of records were amazed when they tested the results and found out the this method actually increased the speed by 20% and giving them +2 bonus when evading police roadblocks. The Sailboat method was also a jaw-dropping skill where the rempit stands on the seat of the bike and control the bike via their feet. This method harness the wind's energy and thus lowers fuel consumption and saving enough money to buy drugs and cigarettes, giving them -25% fuel consumption, +10% money saving, +3 bonus when there is a strong wind. Another way is where the rempit does a willy where they will carry the front wheels and ride only on the back wheel. With less surface touching the ground, they manage to lower the friction, this is the most common method and can be found in penang almost every midnight.

• The Deadman method is usually found near traffic lights or under a lorry's wheel. Usually rempits will zig-zag in traffic and end up under a lorry or fly across a junction when the traffic light is red at the speed of 120km/h and usually end up colliding with a solid object. This is another common method in rempiting especially among the newbies. However, there is one drawback. This skill is the ultimate skill where the user can only cast it once in their life. After casting it, no cards can be drawn and regrets are not accepted. Loser loses 40 lives and gains a +150% pain bonus and +3 bonus from instant death. If user has helmet, loser only loses 30 lives and gains only 120% pain bonus and +30% chance to get coma.

• The Spiderman method is where rempits ride the motorbike in pairs. The pillion rider stands at the back of the seat. The driver gains -20% fuel consumption because the pillion harness the energy form the wind. The pillion rider gets high and starts swinging his hand like a propeller and thus giving the motorbike a +50% speed boost for 8 seconds. During this time, there is a 20% chance that the pillion rider will fall off the bike and suffer broken bones. This is probably the best way to enjoy rempiting if you do not have driving license.

Suntik-Go-Round

This is a favourite past time for Mat Rempits as well as useless half-dead malay zombies. It is a very complex game which includes the elements of football, merry-go-round and monopoly. The main players are referred to as penagih or addicts. A pengedar/distributor will monopolize the field, providing the penagihs with needles and poison to play with.

The addicts inject themselves with poison, and then pass the needle around and wait for their turn. A red card is given when a player of the distributor crosses the line where the police/linesmen will drag them out where the judge/referee will decide their fate. Usually, the distributors will be sent to the slaughter house for providing low quality poison whereas the addicts will be sent to pusat serenti to be trained.Usually addicts will learn martial arts in the pusat serenti where they will graduate and return to society to utilize their skills durring robbery or theft.

Suntik-go-round is very popular and is usually played in abandoned buildings, behind old shoplots, and some residential playground. Playing at 3am in the morning is a must for Mat Rempits because this game will help them concentrate when they ride their motorbike.

Other's Family member of Mat Rempit

• Car Rempit - Just like the Mat Rempit but richer with their fully modded cars such as SLK(Smart Little Kancil), Saga Turbo, Beng-Wira, Suck-tria, Wa-Jadi-Lotion or ProtonJunk-2. There are also very wealthy Car Rempits who use super cars such as Civic EG, Toyota Vios, Nissan Sentra or Ferrari Enzo-ciplak. Normally they race in the public road or highway. Besides speeding and drifting they can perform other amazing stunts like the Mat Rempits such as the wheelie, wikang, pacak or even the Superman. Stickers all over the surface and the mirror, GT-Wing or gigantic spoilers are a MUST for their modified cars.

• Mat Salleh - The white people from the west are know as Mat Salleh for the villege people. It was believe some of the Mat Rempit ancestor are Mat Salleh. Thurs they sharing the same surname Mat.

• Bus Rempit - ex-Mat Rempits who are now working as a bus driver or father of the Mat Rempit. They display the same craziness as the Car Rempits and the Mat Rempits, and much worse. They love to block a 3-lane road to become a bus stop.

• Lorry Rempit - Same as the Bus Rempits but they are more furious with their big and powerful vehicles. Lorry Rempits are also known as invisible men as they are always missing after getting involved in a traffic accident

• Mat Cemerlang - A licensed or legal Mat Rempit recognized by the Son-in-Law of the Malaysia's Prime Minister a.k.a The next Prime Minister of Malaysia.

• Mat Skodeng - Skodeng in Malay means spy which is Malaysia's National Islamic Counsil idea to have our own secret agent a.k.a Mat Skodeng to spy for Tangkap-Basah and the terrorist-USA to protect the Queen Married VI.

• Mat Paipon - Mat Paipon (pronounce as Matt Payphone) is a white version of Mat Rempit which can be found under the old bridge of Corrib river in Galway, Ireland. This group of retards people are refugees, after losing to Isaac Newton in a series of bicycle races. Descendants of Mat Paipons are now busy studying physics in order to set a revenge match of bicycle race.

The Minah Rempit

• Minah Rempit - the female companion to the Mat Rempit. They act as prostitutes on a motorcycle who craves for a gangbang. Sadly, most of these girls were victims of MRC (Malaysia's Rape Culture), you know lah, 20 years of anti-English education system, clever-clever politicians, Asian value, excessive moral, Datukship, rasuah etc....aaaiiyoh! Fathers, brothers and uncles raped them at age of 12, 10 or even 8, yet these girls dare not make report. What worst is, most raping/incest cases were swept under the carpet, to reduce face-losing, but don't worry Malaysia, it's all Singapore's fault.

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Lagi link2 yang lawak

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Emo

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Malay LOL

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Malaysia LOLLL

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Japan

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/TOKIO (MY BOSS MY HERO)

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Indonesia